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This Article is From Our November 2008 Advice & Tips:

Strengthen Self-Esteem in Your Child

By Margo Takacs, Behavior Interventionist


Did you know that the overall success and happiness of your child depends on you as the parent? Did you know that it is your responsibility to build self-confidence in your child? Did you know that your child’s self-esteem will have a significant impact on his or her success and independence as an adult?
As parents we are packing our child’s “life-long suitcase” with skills necessary for getting through life successfully. One thing we can pack in our child’s suitcase is self-esteem and self-confidence. Self-esteem is how one feels about oneself as an overall person. What we think about ourselves impacts how we feel, and how we feel impacts how we relate to and interact with others.

Children with high self-esteem are able to:
-act independently
-assume responsibility
-take pride in their abilities
-deal with their emotions
-willingly accept new challenges
-handle problems efficiently

The above graphic depicts Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.  According to Abraham Maslow, who developed this theory in the field of psychology, the higher needs become relevant only when the lower needs have been met.  Maslow believed we begin meeting our needs from the bottom of the pyramid working our way to the top.  At the top is Self-Actualization in which we work toward our full potential and being the best we can be.  Isn’t that the ultimate goal we can set for our child-for them to be the best that they can be?  Take notice what comes just before Self-Actualization: it’s SELF-ESTEEM!!   

5.SELF-ACTUALIZATION (morality, creativity, problem solving,  lack of prejudice)

4.ESTEEM (self-esteem, confidence, achievement)

3.LOVE/BELONGING (friendship, family)

2.SAFETY (security of family, health, body)

1. PHYSIOLOGICAL (breathing, food, water, sleep, shelter)

Assuming that the first three levels have been met, let’s talk about how self-esteem develops.  From infancy, children are developing a sense of trust in their primary caregivers.  According to Erik Erikson, a developmental psychologist, “the single most important goal in getting a child off to a good start in life is the feeling of being loved and cared for”.  This begins with helping children develop a sense of trust and security.  Two ways to foster this trust is to follow through with what you say and to be consistent.  This establishes trust and security.  As children grow older parents can help them discover who they are by encouraging their interests.  For example, if your child shows an interest in an insect in the garden, help him find more information about it by going to the library or going on-line.  This shows the child that you are responding in a positive manner, that you are interested in him and take him seriously.  Provide opportunities for your child to discover and experience success.  Below are specific activities to help him feel a sense of accomplishment, including some specific suggestions on fostering your child’s self-esteem.

*Help carry in the groceries

*Help put groceries away

*Help set and clear the table

*Make their bed

*Pick up toys

*Sort and fold laundry

*Help with gardening

*Help wash the car

*Make their own lunch (and assist them in the cleaning up)

*An independent chore chart (recommended for 4-5 year olds)

*Draw a self-portrait

*Make thumbprints to show their uniqueness

*Daily journal drawing or writing

*Make an “All About Me” collage of things your child likes

*Ask his/her point of view

*Treat them respectfully

*Give meaningful and realistic feedback

*Always let your child know that your love and support will remain unchanged

*Assist your child in reflecting what went wrong with a situation

*Give specific praise with a smile (“I like the way you put your shoes back into the closet, thank you.”)

Other Important Ways to Promote Self-Esteem

*Take time to listen to your child with eye contact

*Give your child choices

*Display his/her work

*Praise attempts to solve problems

*Take time to curl up with your child and read a book promoting self-esteem

 “Believe in your dreams and they may come true; believe in yourself and they will come true.”

                   -anonymous

 Margo can be reached at Lower Shore Early Intervention Program

@ 410-677-6590